Discussing Divorce With Children

Children in this generation have to deal with divorce more than at any other time in history. After all, even if they haven’t been through it in their own families, they will most likely have friends who have dealt with the blow. They may not know everything about it, but they’ll probably heard horror stories of what it’s about. Whether you and your spouse are getting ready to separate or it’s going to happen to one of your child’s best friend’s parents, you need to discuss the subject with your child so that they understand and don’t start having unnecessary fears.

Many children tend to blame themselves if their parents get a divorce. Divorce is too difficult for them to process. Your child may think his parents will get a divorce too if he has a friend who’s parents got one. You will need to sit down with your child and assure him that that won’t happen. If it is your family that’s involved, your child will need even more assurance that he wasn’t to blame and that both parents still love him even if they can’t live with each other.

Let the child ask any questions he has and be honest with your answers. Since the issue can be difficult to process, make sure you don’t overload with too much information. Obviously a 3-year-old isn’t going to care about the inner workings of divorce court or property settlements. Therefore, it’s important to make sure the info you dish out is age appropriate. Once you know what questions the child is facing, you’ll understand better how to soothe his fears and make his world feel right again. Whatever you do, never condemn any of the divorcing parties, including your own spouse. To ensure that your anger doesn’t affect your child, just state the truth matter-of-factly.

You should try to get your child to express his or her feelings. Give him ample opportunity to talk the emotions he is having over with you. Let him know that it’s normal to feel what he’s feeling. And don’t make the mistake of thinking the child is too young to understand what’s going on. Even if you think they’re too small to know what’s going on, you should address their feelings. Doc No.kslhwde-sdtlgh

Kristie Brown writes on a variety of topics from health to technology. Check out her websites on marriage counselors and free marriage advice

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